


For the First Time...Again

by Mistory



Category: Free!
Genre: First Time, M/M, MakoHaru Week 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:39:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8081671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistory/pseuds/Mistory
Summary: Makoto jumps into an alternate dimension completely against his will. But as he stays there, he begins to form attachments to this world, particularly with his alternate best friend. When the time comes, he must choose to stay or go.





	

It all started with a blink.

Barely a quarter of a second.

Before the blink, there had been ramen noodles at the end of his chopsticks, wavering in trepidation as the swimmers reached their last leg. His lips had been in the middle of cheering for his best friend _(were they still best friends?)_ over and over again.

Haru, Haru, _Haru._

Rin had been winning before the blink. They never panned in close enough to show his sharp teeth, which irked Makoto to no end because that was one of the things he _missed_ about his friend.

In the end, he hadn’t stood a chance between them after all.

He’d been bitter before he blinked. Makoto remembered the day Haruka called him and said that he wouldn’t be seeing him for a while; they were finally going to the Asian games in New Delhi, and they were going to train for the year leading up to it.

They would train side-by-side. Their coaches knew each other, and knew about the rivalry between their swimmers. They would be in the same pool, the same apartment complex, the same sponsor parties.

For all Makoto knew, they could be in the same _bed_ with each other.

And so, he’d blinked. Trying to get the irate thoughts out of his head and reminding himself that he didn’t _own_ Haruka. In fact, he was _glad_ that he lost to Rin, because Rin of all people was someone who was so extraordinary that it meant Makoto just wasn’t extraordinary enough. And that was fine.

And the blink ended.

But then began the confusion, because the moment he opened his eyes, there wasn’t even a race.

“What?” he whispered. On screen was an old, ugly woman. The screen caption read “Nanny McPhee.” The woman seemed to stare at him, no, _through_ him, with intense calculation.

 _“There is something you should understand about the way I work,”_ she began from the television. _“When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me, but no longer need me, then I have to go. It’s sad really, but-”_

Makoto held out his arm, trembling, as the volume went down.

“Wait…huh?”

He stared at the remote. And nearly screamed.

It was completely different. The volume buttons were where the channel buttons usually were. The remote was a dark gray instead of black, and it was stylishly new.

This was not his remote.

Makoto looked at the television again, and his eyes traveled to the pictures of a random family. The walls were a butter-yellow to give off a cheery feeling. Outside, a soft breeze rattled some leaves on a tree, but nothing else was heard.

This was not his house.

Makoto stood up and found, to his utter shock, that he was only in his boxers in _someone else’s house._

He stared at the television for half a minute before blinking again. Again. _Again._

The same black-dressed nanny stared right back at him, almost patronizingly.

Makoto stood up and winced. His entire body hurt, almost like he’d been hit with a ton of bricks, multiple times. His mouth ran dry and he slowly grabbed the remote, trembling as he pressed the numbers for the swimmer’s channel.

And there they were.

The race had finished, and everyone was congratulating the winners. Makoto stared carefully at the swimmers being congratulated, but…

Haruka wasn’t there. And neither was Rin.

“What _happened?”_ he uttered in shock. He looked around. The apartment looked like his in terms of layout, but when it came to everything inside…

“Who are you?”

Makoto grabbed a nearby blanket and covered himself at the speed of light, whipping around to see a little girl staring at him.

“Um…oh, hi there,” he stuttered. “Um…could you go get your parents, pretty please?”

The little girl watched him warily before inching back. She then turned around and ran down the hallway, screaming “Momma!” at the top of her lungs.

Makoto covered the blanket around himself, frightened beyond belief, as two sets of angry footsteps stomped over to where he was.

“What in the name of – who are you?” the father roared.

“Oh, honey, not so loud!” his wife tutted. “You’ll wake up the neighbors!”

“The _neighbors? Really_ Kayako?” he snapped. He turned back to Makoto. “Who are you? What are you doing here?”

Makoto’s eyes welled up with tears and he clutched the blanket tighter. “I-I don’t know,” he mumbled. “I think I g-got lost and wound up here. I’m from Tokyo college.”

“Ah, the college nearby,” the woman said soothingly. “See dear, he must’ve just came in through our door without knowing. A lot of students live in this complex you know.”

“Then you must’ve not locked the door properly,” her husband chided, somewhat irate. “Well then, run along. Where are your clothes?”

 _Shit._ “Ah, I m-must’ve lost them while coming over here,” he said. “I’ll um…go out and look for them, if that’s okay.”

The expressions on their faces told him that it was _more_ than okay, and he quickly shed the blanket and skittered outside.

All of his stuff was gone. His shared apartment now belonged to a family. Even as he looked outside, the apartment number was the same as his.

But in one blink, everything had changed.

Makoto looked out into the cold night, shivering. Well, if he had nothing but his boxers to work with, he may as well find a decent sleeping place.

* * *

It was hard to find things on the ground.

College students weren’t particularly fastidious, but they weren’t loose with their belongings either. Makoto had found a dirty wife-beater on the street with many holes. He tugged it on in disgust, but decided that he didn’t have much choice.

He eyed the laundry lines in trepidation. He didn’t want to steal, but it seemed like he had no other option.

The only thing he really needed was a pair of shorts. The wife-beater could do until he found something better, and the boxers would hold out at least for another day. He surveyed the lines and found one that was at least his size. Looking around, heart beating fast, he quickly climbed over the fence and unclipped the shorts, pulling them on without fanfare.

 _I’ll take good care of them,_ he promised inwardly. He unclipped a couple other clothing articles, just to make it look like a strong breeze had pulled through, before climbing back and running far, far away from the place.

Now, he just needed a place to sleep.

There were no blankets, and he was still cold as ice. Makoto looked around, shivering, before remembering that Tokyo University had a party going on that night, and if he was lucky, it was still happening. That’s where all his roommates had gone, anyway. Before The Blink.

Maybe he could catch some sleep through all the pounding noise.

So Makoto, with his dirty wife-beater and stolen shorts, went out to look for a party. And it wasn’t long before he found it.

The biggest tell were the droves of college students who parked in front of a large apartment complex. At least three units were lit up and pulsing with noise. Makoto honestly felt bad for the people above and below the racket, because he could feel the bass deep within his skin, and he wasn’t even in the building yet!

There didn’t seem to be an entry limit, either. People just drove up, went in, and partied. Makoto followed suit, even when the others wrinkled their noses and gossiped about his appearance. He needed to find somewhere to sleep, because even though he lost his house, he still had an exam tomorrow.

At least, he hoped he did.

So he made his way up the elevator. If going to Iwatobi High had taught him anything, it was that the rooftops were always the quietest spots. If he was lucky, maybe the stairs would be warm enough to sleep on just before the door.

Makoto climbed arduously, taking note of the temperature drop inside the stairway. The apartment complex had ten floors, typical of a high-rise. Though he wasn’t completely out of shape, Makoto was definitely not in competitive swimming condition, and the puffs of breath he took proved it.

Eventually, however, he reached the top. And despite the coolness of the area, it was definitely warmer than the outside. So Makoto leaned against the stair rail, closed his eyes, and…

_BAM._

“Ow! Ow ow ow!” he screeched. He rubbed his bruised elbow, ready to shoot a tirade at the poor sorry fool who had hit him during his worst day _ever_ , when he stopped.

The figure moved past him with a blur, but no matter what, Makoto could always tell who it was by that gait.

“Haru?”

The figure glanced back in surprise.

“Nanase Haruka?” Makoto recited. He covered his mouth with a gasp.

Even in his own…dimension, he hadn’t seen Haruka in a long time. So seeing him up close was almost surreal, especially considering the crazy chain of events that had occurred before this.

And this person, even though it was undoubtedly Haruka…

Was undoubtedly _chubby._

“What… _happened_ to you?” he whispered aloud without realizing it.

Immediately, the man’s eyes hardened and he sharply turned away.

“W-Wait!” Makoto called.

“What?” Haruka snapped sharply. His lips turned down in a classic Haruka frown.

Makoto stared at him, not quite believing it. There was no way Haruka, if he was in Makoto’s world, could’ve let himself go in that span of time. The race he’d been watching was _live,_ for goodness’ sake!

But the man in front of him just had to be Haruka, because the frown, the blue eyes, the black fringe of hair…all were just as Makoto remembered. And adored. But that was beside the point.

“Um, hi, you don’t know me, but…” Makoto began. But his mind raced. This Haruka didn’t know him at all, and he knew just how cold he was to strangers. So what could he say that would warm him up?

For some reason, Haruka hadn’t completely turned him away the moment he’d spoken. That meant something…he was interested in Makoto for whatever reason, and that was good. He just had to hold that interest, and the only thing he knew that Nanase Haruka could not go without was…

“Swimming!” he said triumphantly. “You’re the guy who loves to swim!”

Haruka’s expression dimmed.

“You have me confused with someone else. Sorry,” he said dully, turning away. Makoto’s jaw dropped and he just watched that retreating back for a couple of bewildered seconds.

“Um, no!” he said. His voice sounded so thin and reedy, almost as if he wasn’t confident in his own words. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “No, I mean, it _has_ to be you!”

Haruka kept walking forward, officially losing interest in Makoto, but Makoto refused to be tossed aside.

He kept pace with Haruka’s shuffles (though it wasn’t much of a challenge). “Blue eyes, black hair, mole on his inner left thigh,” he rambled. Then he flushed red. “Oops.”

Unfortunately, Haruka had noticed. _“What?”_

“Nothing!”

“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” Haruka snapped. “Just leave me alone.”

“No!” Makoto gasped. “Okay, okay! I’ll tell the truth!” He quickly dashed in front of Haruka and held both of his hands out, palms outward. “Just hear me out!”

Haruka stared at him, arms folded in front of him. He was defensive, but also somewhat curious.

“I just got, um, kicked out,” Makoto said helplessly. It wasn’t _exactly_ a lie; he did get kicked out of…his own dimension? “I don’t have a job right now, but I’m going to look for one. I just…I just need a place to stay. Please, Haru.”

It was a clear no. That much Makoto knew for sure. And if it was, he knew that he couldn’t push it.

So, instead, he forced himself to accept it. Even in this world, Haruka would walk away from him without looking back. He had his future, and Makoto was clearly a rotten choice in this situation.

“Well, you coming?”

Makoto’s head shot up. Haruka glanced at him curiously from underneath his black hair. He looked…conflicted.

But whatever Haruka decided, he stuck to. And Makoto felt a grin stretch out on his face as he realized that his pseudo-best friend had given up his self-preservation in favor of his curiosity. Just like he’d expected.

 _Though, that’s a concerning habit,_ he thought inwardly. “Thank you, thank you!” he said, smiling. “I’m sorry for being such a bother…”

“It’s fine,” Haruka said dismissively. “It’s not like there’s anyone else living in my house.”

Makoto tilted his head, confused. Haruka was a little…off. Something wasn’t right.

But he was tired, and he figured that he could worry about it tomorrow. It was only 1 in the morning, and it had already been a long day.

“So what’s your name?” Haruka asked. “Since you clearly know both of mine.”

Makoto peered at him curiously. “Tachibana Makoto.”

Haruka didn’t reply, but Makoto still knew him well enough to know that he would. They stepped past the noisy rooms booming with laughter and music, and continued down towards the entrance. Makoto shivered a little. It seemed like the dirty wife-beater still wasn’t enough to keep him warm.

His partner’s gait was slower than usual, which Makoto could attribute to his weight. Haruka was subdued, and his posture craned downwards to show it. His feet shuffled slightly, much unlike the light, almost airy strides of his other-world counterpart.

The differences were striking. Particularly because Makoto knew how Haruka was _supposed_ to be like.

“I have a couple neighbors in my old town called Tachibana,” Haruka muttered softly. Makoto had to strain his ears to listen. This Haruka was even quieter than his, if possible.

“I see,” he said.

“They have two kids. Twins. But you look a lot like them,” Haruka continued, peering at him from underneath his hair.

Makoto’s heart leapt to his throat. “You think they might be my long-lost family or something?” he chuckled.

Haruka’s eyes narrowed. “You lost your family?”

“Kind of,” Makoto replied, enjoying the increasing curiosity in Haruka’s face. “But for some reason, I don’t really miss them.”

And he didn’t. Maybe it was the fact that he was actually talking to Haruka right now instead of watching him from far away, but Makoto felt…almost comfortable. He loved his family, but perhaps it hadn’t sunk in yet because he didn’t _miss_ them. He’d been away from home for three years already, with fewer and fewer visits as time went on. And really, Makoto hadn’t noticed how lonely he was until he saw those familiar blue eyes on that familiar, pale face.

Haruka was still perplexed. “You don’t miss your own family?” Makoto only shook his head and chuckled.

“Do you?”

The man beside him didn’t answer. Makoto gave a soft smile and shrugged. “See?”

The streets smelled wet, and Makoto realized that if he hadn’t found shelter somehow, he’d have been sleeping in the rain. Haruka’s shoes squished on the road. Makoto’s bare feet slapped the concrete with barely a wince from their owner.

He noticed that Haruka kept giving him furtive glances, gauging him. He smiled and let him, because when would this happen again? Makoto had never been a novelty in Haruka’s eyes, not the way Rin always was. They walked in comfortable silence, because that was what Makoto had always been used to and that was what Haruka needed.

Even still, Haruka couldn’t accept the way things were. “How did you know my name?” he asked.

 _I know everything about you,_ Makoto wanted to say. He laughed. “Lucky guess.”

“Bullshit,” Haruka snapped.

“Hm. Does it really matter?” Makoto said airily. He was thrilled to pieces, and it was a bit scary. “Maybe I saw you in class one day and I remembered what you looked like.”

He didn’t expect an answer, and he didn’t get one. They walked in silence until they reached a small, pushed aside apartment complex in a quiet alleyway. There was still a burning question on Makoto’s tongue.

“Why’d you come to the party?” he asked. “If you live all the way out here?”

“I just wanted some fresh air,” Haruka said. Makoto gave him a wry grin.

“Bullshit.”

Twitched eyebrows in response. Now Haruka was getting impatient.

Makoto sighed. In the end, this wasn’t the way. Even if he enjoyed the interest in Haruka’s eyes, he couldn’t be anything but that transparent, supportive friend that had always been by his side. “I’ll tell you everything in the morning. Everything, and I mean it.” Haruka’s lips pinched thin. “Really.”

He sighed, finally, then unlocked the door to the complex.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he said. “I went out tonight because I needed something different. And I found you, so that’s something.”

 _That_ sounded like Haruka. Makoto smiled appreciatively.

Haruka’s room was on the top floor, which was typical of him. After wrangling his keys and unlocking the flimsy-looking door, he and Makoto both entered the clean and well-kept apartment.

“You’re always so fastidious, Haru,” Makoto marveled tiredly. “Ah, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I can put up with your cryptic remarks,” Haruka yawned. “At least, until morning.”

“Well, let me tell you at least this,” Makoto sighed. He glanced at Haruka out of the corner of his eye. “I’m not from this…whatever dimension,” Makoto continued. “I’m from another one. Where I’m the older brother of Ran and Ren Tachibana. Your neighbor and your childhood friend.” He yawned again, refusing to let himself see Haruka’s face. “Believe me or not. I just appeared recently. But no matter what dimension, I guess I’m tied to you by fate, hm?”

He was too tired to see the expression on Haruka’s face, so he shambled into the living room and _crashed_ , literally, into the couch. He was asleep on impact.

But he could still feel when Haruka ran his chubby fingers on his shoulder, clicking his tongue at the cold. And, remarkably, he could still feel that soft, woolen blanket that Haruka drew over him even in passing.

Makoto smiled. No matter what dimension, these were the little things about Haruka that he loved.

* * *

That had been the end of the first day.

The second day Makoto had awoken to a firm pressure on his forehead.

He woke up to Haruka’s closed eyelashes brushing against his cheek, and when Haruka realized that he was awake he lurched back.

“Ah,” he said quietly. “You’re awake.”

“Mm,” Makoto replied drowsily. “Barely. Did you just want to touch me, Haru?”

His best friend glared back at him murderously. “Of course not. Who do you take me for?”

Makoto chuckled and rubbed some of the sleep from his eyes. “I don’t care if you do.” He opened his eyes the tiniest bit, just to gauge Haruka’s expression. “In fact, I’d encourage it.”

Just as expected, Haruka blushed a deep red and jerked his head away, scowling. Makoto raised his head a little and noticed that the kitchen light was on.

“Oh, are you cooking something?”

“Breakfast,” Haruka said shortly. “It’s Monday, after all. I have an exam.”

“Wait, you do?” Makoto said, surprised. “Then what were you doing at the party?”

Rolled eyes. “You’re not my mother.”

Makoto laughed. “No, but then apparently it’s okay for you to be checking my temperature in my sleep,” he teased, tapping his forehead. This Haruka blushed a lot more often, and Makoto wanted to take advantage of that. “I feel fine. No fever.”

“I’m not too sure about that,” Haruka warned. “In fact, I’d say that you should stay in bed for a while.”

“You’re worrying too much,” Makoto said dismissively. He heaved himself out of the couch. “Besides, I wanted to look for jobs today, remember? I can’t mooch off of you like this.”

Haruka glared at him, unimpressed. “No one’s going to hire you like this,” he snorted, getting up. “And I don’t care about letting you mooch off of me. This apartment’s too big for one person alone. My parents are just overprotective.”

“Overprotective?” Makoto echoed.

Haruka noticed his surprise. “Yeah. I guess that wasn’t the case in your world?”

“Definitely not,” Makoto replied, turning around and picking up the fallen blanket. He turned back just in time to catch Haruka staring at his ass, though the man turned away almost immediately. It was endearing, and the attention was something Makoto could get used to. He smiled to himself as he picked up his shorts and shirt off the floor, too. “So I owe you an explanation,” he said. “I mean, everything I said last night basically summed it up, but…”

“You’re from a dimension where you and I were childhood friends,” Haruka surmised. “You were the Tachibanas’ oldest son. And apparently I was a very avid swimmer.”

“I didn’t tell you that last part,” Makoto said.

“I assumed it. From what you said at the party.”

“Well, you’re not wrong,” Makoto replied. He smiled as he folded the blanket. “In fact, swimming was basically 75% of who you were.”

“I can’t imagine being obsessed in that kind of thing that much,” Haruka said flatly. “But I’m hungry, and you must be, too.” As if on cue, Makoto’s stomach growled. Haruka smirked. “We can talk over breakfast.”

Another thing that had drastically changed about Haruka was that there was no mackerel in sight. In fact, Makoto was surprised to notice that Haruka preferred a drastically different cuisine. Scrambled eggs with spinach, fresh-smelling biscuits, and carefully sliced, seasoned sausage stuffed Makoto’s plate.

“Oh. My. God.” It tasted like angels had decided to take temporary refuge in Makoto’s mouth, and the orange juice complemented the food so nicely that every time Makoto washed the food down he wanted to groan in ecstasy. “Okay, you were a decent cook, don’t get me wrong…”

“But I’m better than my clone,” Haruka said smugly. He wore a satisfied smirk, eyes positively sparkling at Makoto’s satisfaction. Makoto felt like the wind got knocked out of him, and for a moment, he just sat there, staring at Haruka and watching him stare back.

Despite his rounded face, this man was still _beautiful._ He had his craft, and it consumed him, just like swimming did. But this Haruka had no one to encourage, something that Makoto had done loads of times for the other one. And it was a damn crime, because the food that he was tasting deserved to be flaunted.

“You should get paid money to make this,” Makoto huffed, taking another bite of the eggs. Haruka snorted and resumed eating. “Haru-chan, I’m serious! If you worked at a restaurant or something, or even started your own place-”

“Don’t call me that,” Haruka said immediately.

“Huh?”

“The ‘-chan.’ That’s gross.” Haruka was staring at him like he was crazy. “What am I, five?”

Makoto choked on his orange juice and his right hand slammed the table while his left covered his mouth. It caught sputters of laughter and coughs. A screech of the opposite chair signaled that Haruka had stood up, but Makoto held up a finger.

“Just need a minute,” he snickered. “And a napkin. Sorry Haru-ch…Haru.”

“He didn’t like that either, did he?” Haruka sighed. “You’re so helpless, Makoto.”

Finally, Makoto calmed down. He breathed and couldn’t resist a small giggle. “It’s just so…endearing,” he sighed, smiling and looking up at his host. “It slips out sometimes, Haru. And no matter how much you remind me it’s going to happen for the rest of our lives.” He closed his eyes blissfully. “But I suppose if you didn’t remind me I’d just go on calling you that instead of just Haru, so…”

Haruka hadn’t answered. Instead, he’d merely taken their cleared plates and loaded them into the sink. Makoto pondered over what he’d said wrong, when Haruka answered.

“So, I guess this means you’ll be staying then,” he said stiffly. “Since you said ‘for the rest of our lives.’”

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that,” Makoto said immediately, his heart sinking. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Haruka. I promise, once I get back on my feet and work and adjust to this world…”

“But you’ll stay here?” Haruka said, turning. Makoto’s words stopped in his throat. Haruka looked… _hopeful._ “You won’t just go back to your time?”

Makoto pursed his lips. “I…don’t know.” The result was instantaneous. Haruka turned around and resumed washing the dishes. His movements were mechanical, and Makoto got the idea that he was unsatisfied.

“Haru,” he began, but he didn’t know what to say. If he did get the chance to go back into his timeline, he honestly didn’t know what he would do. There was a Haruka there too, and despite not seeing him in so long, Makoto knew that he still _needed_ him.

It was just too much to think about so early in the morning.

“…Well then,” Haruka said, setting the last plate on the dish rack. “I’m off to school.”

“Have a nice day,” Makoto returned, getting up and draining his glass. “I’ll take care of the house.”

Haruka turned to him in surprise. Makoto gave him a reassuring smile.

“You’re right, I’m feeling a little under the weather,” he conceded. “I won’t go looking for work.”

“Hm,” was Haruka’s only response, but he seemed very satisfied. Makoto could just kiss him.

He _could_. But he wouldn’t.

“Good luck on your test,” Makoto said at the door. Haruka nodded at him and walked down the hall.

Dimly, he heard a snort.

“Young men these days,” an old woman huffed from the door across from him. Makoto immediately realized that he wasn’t wearing any clothes and squeaked, hiding behind his door. “You take care of that one over there. He’s always so alone and brooding.”

“Y-Yes ma’am,” Makoto said hurriedly, moving to shut the door.

“Ohhh I’m not done with you yet, mister!” she snapped, and with amazing dexterity she wedged her shoe between the door and the jamb. “That’s the most smiley I’d ever seen that boy. If you go up and leave him like a little rat, I’ll be sure to follow you and give you a huge lickin’!”

Makoto looked at her in surprise, but she grumbled and shoved her foot away.

“Keep that in mind, young man!” she threw over her shoulder. “Lads like him are hard to find these days. He’s meant for great things, and yer meant to foster that, y’hear?”

“I hear,” Makoto said. His face became clouded with conflict. More and more, he realized just how lonely this Haruka was. More and more, he couldn’t decide whether he would stay or go, when the time came.

* * *

They fell into a routine far too quickly. In a month’s time, Makoto had found a part-time position at the local fire department, and Haruka had started his new semester in college.

It was a fresh start for both of them. No longer was Makoto studying to become a swimming coach, but that in it of itself was blissful. He’d needed a break from school, and if he played his cards right he could become a swim coach with supplementary lessons offered through the college’s coaching program. It would take longer, but with some recommendations from his fire department as well as some hands-on experience at the local swim club, Makoto was sure that he could do it.

Haruka, by contrast, had no real aspirations. It seemed like he only went to school because his parents told him to do it. While this wasn’t any different from the other Haruka, Makoto found that this Haruka was even more afraid of the disappointment that would ensue if he dropped out.

At Makoto’s suggestion, he had gingerly switched his classes towards culinary design. Also at Makoto’s suggestion, he’d begun looking at part-time jobs in restaurants in the area.

Makoto’s heart always broke. Haruka _wanted_ to do this. He really did. He just needed that little push, one measly word of encouragement that he should take that risk.

If life played out the way it did before Makoto had come along, he had no doubt that Haruka would’ve become a run-of-the-mill salaryman. But, at the same time, Makoto felt like that viewpoint wasn’t giving Haruka much credit.

Right before one of his morning jogs, he found Haruka adamantly pulling on running sneakers that looked brand-new.

“Are…are you coming with me?” Makoto asked.

“No,” Haruka had said flatly. He resumed rolling down his socks just so.

The way he avoided Makoto’s gaze was comical, but it made Makoto’s heart warm up so much that his ears were blazing.

“I’d really love it if you came, Haru-chan.”

“Drop the -chan,” Haruka said briskly, getting up. “I was just going to go for a walk.”

He ended up jogging with Makoto anyway. Though they went slower than usual, and made much more frequent stops, Makoto kept chattering happily and telling Haruka that he was so glad he came with him, they _really_ didn’t get enough time in the day together, and would he come with him tomorrow? And the day after that?

Life was good. It was like when they were growing up, but also _different._ The future wasn’t a looming threat, because here in Tokyo they could be anything they wanted together. They were already adults, already broadening their horizons, and things didn’t have to change as much as they did when they were in high school.

But some things, Makoto couldn’t let go.

One day, while they were eating dinner, Haruka’s phone had vibrated and he’d sighed irately.

“Mom and Dad,” he supplied to a curious Makoto. He glanced at the phone screen and rolled his eyes. “They sent me a picture.”

Automatically, he showed Makoto the picture. It was Haruka’s parents, along with his own parents and the twins.

They were seated at a dinner table that was definitely not the one they’d owned in his timeline. The wood was lighter, and the table was smaller. Two extra seats had to be placed for the twins so that Haruka’s parents could fit.

The pictures in the background were of the twins doing this and that. Ran wore her hair down, like their mother, instead of the two pigtails that Makoto had always clumsily made for her. Ren looked shy, as usual, but even he managed a happy smile for the camera.

They all looked so content. Even though he wasn’t there.

Without warning, Makoto’s hand flew up to his mouth. Haruka hastily took the picture away, glancing at it again, then staring at Makoto in horror.

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately. “I didn’t mean-”

But Makoto stood up abruptly. “Excuse me,” he said in a tight voice. Abandoning his dinner for the bathroom, he barely had enough sense to shut the door before he broke into a million pieces.

Come morning, they said nothing about this. Automatically, Makoto went for a jog and Haruka followed. Haruka, however, kept going faster than usual. Makoto wanted to tell him not to force himself, but his voice was still creaking from last night.

At the end of their jog, Haruka was huffing so loud that Makoto couldn’t contain his worry.

“Do you need my help?” he fretted. “Let’s take the elevator this tim-”

“No,” Haruka said adamantly. He glared at him, then turned away. Makoto could hear him mumble something.

“What?”

Suddenly, Haruka whirled around and pinned him to the wall. The grip he had on Makoto’s biceps was forceful, desperate. His mouth was twisted in a snarl and his eyes were flashing angrily.

“I said ‘let’s visit them next month,’” he growled. “Call off work, you shouldn’t work weekends anyway.”

“Haru-”

“And _no more_ locking yourself in the bathroom when you’re upset! You should _tell me_ your problems so that I can understand! It was a mistake, okay? I never meant to hurt you!”

“I understand, but-”

 _“No buts!”_ Haruka yelled. “Just promise me you won’t distance yourself like that!” He shook Makoto’s shoulders fiercely. _“Promise me!”_

“I promise, Haru-chan, but you’re being too loud-”

 _“And for god’s sake stop calling me that!”_ Haruka roared before promptly smashing his face into Makoto’s chest. His hands still gripped Makoto’s biceps, but the grip wasn’t too forceful. Makoto looked around warily, seeing no one, and slowly wound his hands around Haruka’s back.

“I’m sorry, Haru,” he whispered.

“I’m not your ‘Haru-chan,’” he muttered back brokenly. “’M not your perfect swimmer guy. But I…”

Haruka didn’t say anything more. Makoto waited, but then slowly rested his chin on Haruka’s head.

“You’re definitely not him,” he agreed. Haruka stiffened, but he rubbed his back to calm him down. “But it’s not like we never fought. That Haru and I…we were far from perfect.” He rubbed his cheek against Haruka’s scalp. “I _do_ miss him. I miss my family, I miss my world.”

He moved away and levelled Haruka with a firm look.

“But if I blink again and find myself back where I came from, then I would, without any debate, miss you too.”

Haruka’s eyes were dull and red-rimmed. “But would you choose me, or them?” he asked. Makoto gulped. “You can’t decide, huh?”

“Haru…”

“I don’t have anything I can offer you, Makoto,” Haruka sighed, pulling away from him. “I don’t have a history with you, no grade school memories. I can’t offer you a family, because they don’t know you in this world. But I want to stay like this.” He walked sullenly up the stairs. “The day I met you…it was the happiest day of my life at that point. And it’s only gotten happier.” He started to trudge up the stairs, not looking at Makoto. “I don’t know what I’ll do if that goes away.”

Makoto stared after him, speechless. But Haruka was already out of sight, and the only sounds came from him slowly climbing the stairs. Makoto couldn’t find the energy to follow. Not when he didn’t know his own thoughts, not when he couldn’t conclusively answer Haruka’s question.

There was no one here for him except the one he loved the most. But was it worth leaving everything behind?

* * *

Their little world began to grow.

One day, Haruka stormed into the house with an unsatisfied expression. Makoto tilted his head and was about to ask what was wrong when a mop of blond hair jumped into his face.

“I’m Hazuki Nagisa!” man said energetically. He stuck out his hand so that it stopped an inch from Makoto’s stomach. “Nice to meetcha! Are you a friend of Haru-chan’s? Are you here so he can cook delicious food for you too? I tried some of his bento and I made him take me here. What about you? Oh, oh! Are you his _boyfriend?”_

“Nagisa!” Haruka said sharply. He shot an apologetic glance to Makoto. “…He’s a theater major.”

“Nagisa,” Makoto said warmly. He went past Nagisa’s extended hand and gave the man a bear hug.

“Whoa!” Nagisa piped up. “Haru-chan, is he a foreigner? Why is he hugging me like this?”

“Just let him,” Haruka replied easily. Makoto could hear the smile in his voice. “You probably remind him of someone.”

Nagisa entered their lives seamlessly, but with Rei, it took a bit of effort.

Makoto had seen him jogging a couple of times, but since it was Rei he zipped off before anyone could catch up with him. Now, Nagisa stopped by their house for their morning jog and Makoto could use his boundless energy.

“See that guy over there?” he said to Nagisa during one of their runs. Nagisa always complained that they were going too slow, but his curiosity shut him up immediately.

“What guy, Mako-chan?” he chirped, scanning the area.

“The one with the purple hair,” Makoto answered. He kept pace with Haruka. It was about time for a break. “I want you to ask him what his name is.”

“But he’s so far away, Mako-chan!” Nagisa protested. His eyes didn’t leave the man’s form. “And he’s so fast! I don’t think I’ll ever catch up with him…”

“We’re taking a break right here,” Makoto told him. “Haru and I will be walking. So you’ve got to get as much energy as you can and run to him. When you’re close enough, call him out.” He winked. “I think he’d make a great friend.”

Nagisa’s eyes shone. It was clear from his expression that this wasn’t the first time he’d watched Rei from far away. If Makoto had to hazard a guess, he could say that Nagisa’s entire motive for jogging was just so he could watch the man. Nagisa hadn’t changed much.

“But what do I say? What do I do?” Nagisa fretted. Makoto shrugged.

“Blame it on me or something,” he suggested. “Say that I was curious about his jogging routine. Oh! Even better!” He smirked. “Ask him about the best running style and technique. Then invite him to dinner at Haru’s so we can hear about it more.”

It didn’t take much to convince Nagisa, and before they knew it he’d shot off like a dart. Haruka panted as they slowed their gait to a walk.

“Sorry, Haru,” Makoto said.

“Old friends?” Haruka managed to say, catching his breath.

Makoto nudged him. “New friends,” he corrected.

“Well,” Haruka straightened, taking one last gulp of air. “You should stop saying ‘Haru’s place.’ It’s _our_ place. You live there too.”

Haruka’s cheeks were a faint pink, and Makoto was sure that his own ears were the same.

“You’re right, Haru,” he said, and he couldn’t keep his smile off for the rest of the day.

* * *

They visited Haruka’s family and Makoto’s (pseudo) family the next month.

Haruka gripped Makoto’s hand tightly the entire trip, though it was under a bundle of sweaters and jackets. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

Makoto stroked the back of his palm with his thumb. “I’ll be staying with you, won’t I? Not with them. I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

He was, honestly, more afraid of what Haruka’s parents would think. He’d talked with them on the phone before, but Haruka had been right there and the phone had been on speaker. It was as Haruka had said: in this timeline, his parents were very protective of him.

The moment they set foot on the path leading to his house, the door opened.

“Haruka!”

Haruka’s mother veritably ran into her son’s arms, and his father stood at the doorway with a smile.

“Hey, Mom.”

“We missed you so much! Oh, you really should visit more. Once a month isn’t enough, isn’t that right dear?” She didn’t wait for her husband’s response. “Oh, and to think you got yourself a boyfriend without even _telling_ us! That is such unsightly behavior young man! Mrs. Tamura was telling me that her friend talked to your wonderful Makoto-kun and that you started even _living together!_ You only told me three nights later! What a thought!”

“Mom, we’re not boyfriends,” Haruka said quietly, glancing at Makoto. It was easy to read his face, and that made Makoto’s cheeks burn.

“Haruka, who are you fooling,” his father laughed. He walked up to Makoto and clapped his shoulder. “We’ve been talking to Mrs. Tamura a lot. She’s told us that her friend has really taken a shine on you, young man. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Makoto said quietly. He smiled shyly and bowed his head. “Thank you for taking me into your home.”

Haruka’s parents didn’t say anything for a moment.

“Mom? Dad?” Haruka asked cautiously.

“Such a nice boy,” his mother said softly. Her voice broke. “E-Excuse me a moment. I think I left the oven on.” She briskly made her way inside.

“You’d better follow her, Haruka,” his dad said firmly. Haruka actually glared at him, but his father just raised his eyebrows. With a final huff, he gave Makoto an apologetic look and trudged reluctantly up his steps.

Makoto fumbled his hands, eyes glued to the ground.

“Look up, son.”

He looked up timidly. Haruka’s father rewarded him with a broad grin.

“You know, Haruka never really talked to us much,” he said. “But when you came along, it was all ‘Makoto’ this and ‘Makoto’ that.”

“Really?” Makoto squeaked, blushing.

“Yeah. Looking at him now…” Haruka’s father trailed off, looking at the doorway. “It’s no wonder why my wife’s overwhelmed. Haruka’s got thinner, but healthier. His cheeks are redder. He’s walking straighter.”

Makoto smiled. It didn’t go unnoticed.

“You’re really, _really_ fond of him, aren’t you?” Haruka’s dad said. Makoto looked up at him directly, meeting his eyes with a gentle firmness.

“I am,” he said. “Haru’s…the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“I’m sure he feels the same.” Haruka’s father sighed and smiled. It was bittersweet. “I was going to lecture you on taking care of him and everything, but I think you’ve got that covered. But now…there’s something even more worrying. It’s something that Mrs. Tamura’s friend always said, and it’s something I never quite understood until now.”

Makoto furrowed his brow in confusion, but Mr. Nanase only smiled faintly.

“Somehow, you give off the feeling that you’re only here for a short time,” he said. “Like this is all just a long visit. And I know that you don’t mean to. I know you want the best for Haruka, but…”

He shook his head.

“I can’t explain it,” he confessed. “Maybe it’s that you came into his life so suddenly and stirred him up so much. It seems like everything’s going to be swept away again, like when the dog dies at the ending of a book.”

Makoto was frozen. Haruka’s dad didn’t even know how accurate he was sounding.

“Son, all I can say is…watch over that boy. He loves you, you know. I don’t know why you guys aren’t dating or anything, but he’s crazy about you. Every time he talks to us…well, I’ve already told you, haven’t I?” Haruka’s dad chuckled. “Come inside. You’re always welcome here.”

He turned and walked to the entryway. Makoto, stricken, followed.

Like Mr. Nanase had said, he hadn’t meant to give off that kind of feeling. It made him wonder if Haruka had been enduring it all this time, knowing that everything would come to an end soon. Makoto pursed his lips. He didn’t want everything to come to an end, though. He could honestly say that, the moment he saw Haruka again, he was torn.

If he could travel between worlds, he would. But even if he wanted to stay, how could he control it? Makoto’s hands tightened at the straps of his backpack. Everything he’d known had been gone in the blink of an eye.

Why wouldn’t it happen again?

* * *

“I thought your parents would be against you dating a man,” Makoto chuckled.

“Is that what they were like in your timeline?” Haruka asked. Makoto shook his head.

“They were traveling everywhere. I barely saw them,” he sighed. “But it meant that I got to spend more time with you, so it was fine.”

He was laying on a futon next to Haruka’s bed. Haruka had rolled over so that his arm dangled off the edge of the bed. Makoto played with his fingers idly.

“This is the first time we’re sleeping in the same room together,” he said sleepily.

Haruka suddenly gripped his fingers tight.

“I know. I’m restless.”

Makoto’s eyes flew open and he jerked his head towards Haruka. The man in question was staring at their linked fingers, lazily moving his own against Makoto’s.

“Haru…”

“Don’t say my name like that,” Haruka warned. “My parents are sleeping downstairs. And I don’t know if I can control myself if you do that.”

If Makoto’s face could get any redder, he’d have been a space heater. But he said nothing, only held Haruka’s hand tighter.

“You’re holding yourself back, too, aren’t you?” Haruka murmured. Makoto glanced up at him and gave a slight smile.

“I don’t want to let you down,” he said. “I do…I love you, Haru.”

“Don’t say things like that if you aren’t going to stay,” Haruka said. His voice broke, and Makoto’s heart broke with it.

“Okay,” Makoto said. His voice wavered. He realized that he _wanted_ to stay. He wanted to be here, with Haruka and their friends, in this world that was different and yet still the same.

Haruka fell asleep first, despite his words. Makoto allowed tears to fill his eyes, looking at that peaceful face. How could he take himself away when Haruka bared himself to him?

But what about the Haruka in the other world? It would be so easy to just imagine him as being dismissive, because he and Makoto hadn’t seen each other for quite some time. But this was _forever._ He wasn’t a time-traveler; he couldn’t just switch off here and there. It wasn’t fair to both Harukas if he divided his attentions, and it wasn’t fair to him if he spread himself thin loving two people with the same intensity.

He fell asleep holding Haruka’s hand. All he knew was that, at least for tonight, he didn’t want to let go.

* * *

The entire day at the Nanase household was pleasant, and each new surprise they learned about Makoto only made them love him more.

“You can’t cook?” Mrs. Nanase had gasped. “Oh honey, it’s a good thing that Haruka decided to take all those cooking classes!”

“He’s really hopeless in the kitchen,” Haruka snickered. “But a perfect housewife otherwise.”

“Stop teasing me!” Makoto protested, causing them all to laugh.

He made himself useful, helping clean the floors and wipe down the windows. Haruka worked alongside him, and got another heaping earful of Makoto’s absent chatter.

Periodically, Haruka’s parents would come check in on them only to just stop and watch. Haruka had to point it out to him, but as time went on, neither of them noticed.

It was while wiping the window in the second story that Makoto froze mid-sentence.

“…And then what?” Haruka asked, but he saw what Makoto was looking at. “Oh.”

The twins were outside, arguing about something. Their mother came out, looking a little cross, and lectured them a little before calling them to come inside. The house looked the same from the outside as always, and even the yard looked the same. There was no grave marker for Makoto’s fish, however. But somehow, it made him more relieved.

Haruka was a constant presence beside him, and for that Makoto was grateful.

“We don’t have to have dinner with them tonight,” Haruka said reluctantly. “I know it’ll be hard to explain to my parents, but-”

“No,” Makoto said gently. Without warning, he leaned his head on Haruka’s shoulder. “It has to happen. If it doesn’t happen now, it’ll never happen.”

Haruka sat still for a moment, but then leaned his head on Makoto’s. “I’m here to support you,” he reminded him.

Makoto smiled. “I know.”

* * *

He regretted his decision as soon as his own mother hugged him. But he composed himself because, though it all, Haruka held his hand and staunchly refused to release it.

“Haru Onii-chan! Haru Onii-chan! Is this your _boyfriend?”_ the twins asked, not unlike Nagisa.

“Ran, Ren! Act your age!” their mother fretted.

“It’s okay…Tachibana-san,” Makoto said with a smile. “Hello, my name is Tachibana Makoto. We share the same last name!”

The twins looked at him, amazed, then looked at each other, bewildered. They looked back at him.

“Then what do we call you?” Ran asked petulantly. Makoto nearly burst into tears right then and there, but he held it together. “We were going to be respectful and call you your last name, but ‘Tachibana-san’ is way too confusing.”

“Mamaaa,” Ren whined. “What do we dooo?”

“Makoto-kun is fine,” Makoto began, but he was interrupted by his father’s chuckle.

“Honey, wouldn’t it be funny if they called him ‘Onii-chan?’” he said. “Since he shares our family name and all.”

Mrs. Tachibana folded her arms in a huff. “Dear, that’s hardly proper.”

“I wouldn’t mind,” Makoto said suddenly.

Haruka’s hand tightened against his own. He glanced at Makoto cautiously.

Immediately, Makoto came to himself. “Oh, haha, it was a joke!” he said with false cheer. “Ah, I thought it would be less troublesome, so-”

“Makoto has no family of his own,” Haruka said abruptly. Makoto stared at him in surprise, but immediately the entire room took a somber note. “I think…it would be nice if he could feel at home here.”

Makoto refused to look up, entire face blushing.

“Wow,” Mr. Nanase said behind him. “You two…you both really look alike.”

He then looked up and met the forest-green eyes of his mother. They were both blushing from ear-to-ear, like he was looking at an older, female version of himself in the mirror.

“Ah, but he has Kyou’s mouth,” Mrs. Nanase said curiously. “See? The way he purses his lips on the left side.”

“Well,” Haruka said suddenly. “It’s time for dinner. We should sit at the table.”

“Makoto…you said your name was Makoto,” Mrs. Tachibana said absently.

“We agreed to name our child that,” Makoto’s father said quietly, setting his paper down. “But we had twins, so we named them Ran and Ren.”

“Who…are you?” his mother whispered.

Makoto suddenly turned to Haruka, eyes desperate. “I feel sick.”

And the next thing he knew, he was retching right where the grave was supposed to be.

Haruka was right next to him, always next to him. “Are you okay?” Makoto heard over and over, but his mind was reeling and his thoughts couldn’t keep up.

His parents _knew him._ They knew that he looked like them, they knew that they named him, they just _knew him._ And seeing them, all content and happy in their little house, it was too much for him to bear.

Silently, he shook his head.

“I want to go home,” he sobbed, holding his stomach and heaving. “I just want to go home.”

Haruka silently rubbed his back, but his touch was hesitant.

“Onii-chan.”

The voice was clear, and for a moment, Makoto thought that Ran, _his_ Ran, the one from back home, was talking to him. But he turned and from the open front door he saw his twin siblings poking their heads out warily.

“Onii-chan, is it okay if we call you that?” Ren mumbled so quietly that Makoto strained to hear it. “Please come back. We didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“Mom and Dad want you to come back in,” Ran said, venturing out of the door. “So please come back. And bring Haru Onii-chan with you, okay?”

She paused, waiting uncertainly. Haruka also waited, hand on Makoto’s back, uncertain. Makoto looked down at the ground inhaled deeply, and looked back up.

“I’ll come back inside.”

“Are you _sure,_ Makoto?” Haruka stressed, gripping Makoto’s shirt. Makoto nodded and laughed, finally, though it was weaker than his heart.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he said, gripping Haruka’s hand. “I need mouthwash, anyway.”

“We have a lot of explaining to do,” Haruka muttered. Makoto intertwined their fingers.

“Just don’t leave me,” he pleaded. Haruka’s eyes narrowed and he held on tighter.

“Never.”

* * *

There had been more crying.

The twins had gone to bed and Makoto was on the couch between his parents. His dad kept a strong hold of his forearm and his mother had her hand on his knee.

“Call us gullible,” his father said with a raspy voice. “But we believe you.”

“We…had a miscarriage,” his mother said softly. Makoto’s breath hitched. “We were so devastated. It took us a few years before we tried again.”

One miscarriage. That was the difference between this timeline and his original one.

“Different dimensions, huh?” Mr. Nanase sighed. “That sounds like something from one of my sci-fi novels.”

“No wonder you got on with Haruka so well,” Haruka’s mother said, subdued. “You were both attached to the hip, weren’t you?”

Makoto nodded. He couldn’t look at Haruka as she said it, but it was true all the same.

“You are a wonderful young man,” his mother said, her voice breaking. She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. “We’ll do a blood test. Verify that we’re your parents. And you’ll be officially adopted into our family. No buts, mister!”

“Definitely,” his father said. “Of course.” He was dazed, as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

“Mom, Dad,” Makoto whispered. His parents both stiffened.

“What is it, sweetie?” his mother breathed. Her grip on his knee was tight.

“I’m not sure…” Makoto trailed off, unable to continue.

“He’s not sure if he’ll be staying.”

They all turned to look at Haruka, who was standing with his fists clenched. “He has another family over there, people that know him. And probably miss him.”

Haruka’s expression was unreadable, but Makoto’s heart sank all the same.

“He has another Haru, another Ran and Ren, another _family,”_ Haruka spat. “And he has other friends. _That’s_ his dimension.”

“Haruka,” his father said sternly, but Haruka didn’t listen.

“He has a _whole other life_ over there, and we’re all talking about absorbing him into the family?” he snapped. He jerked his head up and glared at Makoto, but to Makoto’s shock, tears were swimming in his eyes. “He ‘ _just wants to go home.’_ What’ll we do when he gets his adoption papers and all the other shit and poof! He’s gone? What’ll we say to everyone when the new son you guys just got just…fucking _disappears?”_

“Haruka!”

To their surprise, it was Makoto’s father who’d shouted.

“If that time comes, it is _his_ decision!” he said, standing up. “It’s hard giving up everything you ever knew for some place you’d been only for a few months! Can’t you understand that? Right now, we’re going to give Makoto as much of a home as he deserves, because it hasn’t been easy for him, either! He may stay for a few days, few months, a few years! But however long he stays, he’s still our son, and he’s still family. So even if he leaves, I don’t know, _next week,_ we’re going to make sure that he is treated like a Tachibana, and not some stranger.”

Haruka’s arms were shaking, and he brought one up to wipe his eyes. Mr. Tachibana’s face immediately looked stricken.

“Ah…Haruka, I’m sorry…”

“I’d give it up.”

Haruka’s mother gasped shakily.

“I’d give it up, if we could be together.” Haruka was glaring at Makoto, breathing shakily.

“You don’t know that, Haru,” Makoto said quietly, pleading. Haruka opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. Instead, he stormed out to the front door and slammed it shut. His mother jumped to her feet, but just as quickly, his father grabbed her arm.

“Takeshi, I _swear-!”_

“Nanami,” he said patiently. “You can’t fix this. You know you can’t.” His eyes found Makoto’s. “It really is your decision, son,” he said. “But please, make it soon. Even if it takes forever to get you back home, it’s best to let our son know what you’re gonna do before you do it.”

Makoto nodded, and for a while, the only thing they heard were the crickets chirping.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Makoto stole away to where he _knew_ Haruka would be.

Haruka’s parents went home, but their lights were still on, meaning Haruka hadn’t come home yet.

Makoto’s hands shook, but he forced them still. He hadn’t made his choice yet. But he knew he’d have to before he saw Haruka.

Steeling himself, he began his walk.

The stairs were just the same as he’d remembered them. There weren’t as many cats as he was used to, possibly because he hadn’t been around to feed them his lunch in high school. The air was clear, and the entire city was silent.

As if it was holding its breath for his final choice. To stay, or to go.

Makoto understood, finally, how cruel of him it was when he told Haruka that he’d loved him. Haruka had said, without hesitation, that he’d give up his world to be in Makoto’s. That passion, that intent, was something that Makoto couldn’t give him.

He was always so wishy-washy. He had no doubt that, if he’d needed Haruka as much as Haruka needed him right now, Haruka would have abandoned his world on the spot. Both of them.

Before he knew it, the stone beneath his feet had turned into sand. He stared up at the moonlight that illuminated the beach. Waves washed ashore as quiet as they could, with bated breath. He turned his head up and saw Haruka a ways away.

No.

 _Two_ Harukas!

Makoto’s heart nearly stopped.

They were shouting at each other, Makoto realized. The Haruka from this world was standing on the sand, fists clenched, face flushed with anger. The Haruka from his original world…

He was ethereal. The moon touched him in such a way that it lit up his porcelain skin, reflected against his dark hair, and etched under his pale blue eyes.

He was wearing his jammers, and he’d come up from the sea. Waves washed over his legs, but no matter how much force they put into him, he would not budge.

They hadn’t seen him. They were tensed, battle ready, shouting over and over.

He could hear their words carried over to where he was.

_“He belongs in his own world! With his real family!”_

_“He has a family here! He belongs here!”_

Predictable words. But they made his eyes water all the same.

Finally, the Haruka from the sand stepped forward in challenge. And instead of shouting, he said his next words in a low voice.

“I love him.”

The other Haruka flinched back in shock.

“I love him. So much. I need him in my life.” This Haruka’s voice wavered with emotion. He stepped forward, his hands open in plea. “He doesn’t know this. But I think I know why he’s here. It was my wish.”

Makoto’s breath hitched.

“I wanted someone to save me. I _needed_ someone to save me. There was this party and…I climbed up to the roof.”

The other Haruka’s eyes were hardened, but Makoto’s were blown open in shock.

“I stood on the other side of the railing. God, I wish you knew what it felt like. I couldn’t talk to anyone, and there was no one who wanted to talk to me,” the Haruka from the present world continued. He kept stepping forward until he reached the tips of the waves. “My parents were worried. All they ever did was worry about me because I was so antisocial. I had no one. But then, just when I was about to give it all up, just when I felt like I was a burden to _everyone, every-FUCKING-one,_ I saw this star.”

He paused for a breath. By now, he and Makoto were both crying.

“And I swear to god, I decided to give life a second chance. I decided not to make a commotion, not to make people remember me as the kid who fell off the roof. I fucking _walked away_ , and I opened the door to go downstairs, and my entire _fucking_ life changed.”

Makoto clutched at his heart. He replayed that night like it was yesterday, over and over. Haruka’s furtive glances, Haruka’s thin lips.

Haruka had been giving him a chance.

“So please, I beg you, don’t take him away,” Haruka said, defeated. “I don’t have much to offer. I don’t have _anything_ to offer. I don’t know why I was given this chance, but…”

“I’m sorry.”

Haruka looked up in shock. The other one turned away.

“If you need him, and you’ve known him for three months, then how do you think _I_ feel?” he said firmly. “I’ve known him for _years._ He’s such a huge part of me that taking him away, no, _giving_ him away like this…it feels like I’m giving away my arm. Or my leg.” He turned to the Haruka on the sand, eying him sharply. “Makoto deserves so much better. Than either of us.”

“I can give him everything,” Haruka snapped.

The other Haruka narrowed his eyes and lifted his chin. “So can I.”

“I don’t want anything.”

The two of them turned their heads so sharply that Makoto’s heart gave a lurch. He stood, feet firmly planted in the sand, and shook his head.

“I never wanted anything, from _either_ of you,” he said softly. “I had everything I wanted. I was your friend.”

He stepped forward, but before he could make another move the Haruka in jammers had raced towards him and tackled him to the ground.

His grip was iron tight, Makoto realized, and his face was buried into his shoulder so hard that he felt like his skin would have traces of all the angles of his face.

“Do you know how scared I was?” Haruka said, muffled. “No one had heard from you in weeks. Your parents are frantic. Your siblings always cry.” Makoto’s heart thumped in his chest. “Do you know how _devastated_ I was?”

“Haru, please…”

“Don’t make me let go,” Haruka said, his voice hard. “If you go, I won’t…”

“Haruka.”

Haruka finally pulled away and stared at him in shock. The stars in the background winked around his head.

“You’re not coming back with me.”

“No, I’m not.”

He heard a gasp somewhere behind them, a shaky, weak gasp. But it filled him with hope.

“I’m in love with him, too, you know.”

Haruka glared at him. “You hear his sob story and you immediately just give up _everything?_ Our family, our friends? You’re just gonna say goodbye to all that?”

“You did, too, you know.”

At this, Haruka’s jaw dropped. He leaned back, shocked, and Makoto sat up.

“I missed you, Haru-chan. Really,” he said softly. This time, he leaned forward and initiated the hug. “The first week, all I could think about was going back home. He reminded me of you. Everything he did. There were some differences, but then, there were some things that stayed the same. No matter what.”

He pulled away from this Haruka and stood up. He stared at Haruka, _his_ Haruka, and smiled faintly. “But one thing didn’t stay the same. He _loved_ me. For the first time, I found that my feelings could just…grow.”

“Makoto, I…”

“You don’t love me, Haruka.”

The ocean’s waves were drawing close. Haruka stared at him, flat, broken, bare. He ignored the water lapping at his feet as he, too, stood.

“I _do_ love you,” he pressed. “I _do_. More than anything. More than any _one.”_

Makoto shook his head, smiling. “Maybe. But, Haru, you want me more than you need me. I’m a good friend. But you don’t love me enough to need me.”

He held out his hand. “I’m your support, your anchor. But I’m not your other half. And I could never be. We were raised more like brothers, after all. It’s just…” Makoto sighed. “I never felt that way about you.”

Haruka refused his hand and stood up on his own. He looked at the ground in fury, fists clenched. His eyes were hooded.

“What am I going to say to them?” he murmured.

“Nothing,” Makoto whispered. “I-”

“You’re never coming back,” Haruka pressed. “You’re going to stay here and give up everyone.”

“If I leave, I’ll also give up everyone,” Makoto shot back, his voice rising. “I thought about this, Haruka. This world…I need it. And it needs me.”

“You’ve only been missing for _three months!”_

“I’ve learned enough.”

Makoto turned to his Haruka, who was watching the scene with trepidation. He walked to him, brushing his hair back, and stared at him intensely.

“Do you want me to stay?”

“I _need_ you to stay,” Haruka said without hesitation. Makoto smiled.

“Then I will.”

“Thank you.”

He turned to the other Haruka. “Then that’s it.”

The waves were inching nearer, and that Haruka was crying. “I guess so,” he said bitterly.

“I love you, Haru.”

“I love you too,” Haruka replied, staring at Makoto with shattered eyes. “I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.”

Makoto said no more. Haruka waited for a moment, then with a lurching sob he closed his eyes and just…

Disappeared.

Makoto fell to the ground and began to cry. Harsh, shrieking sobs forced their way out of his throat, and even the waves couldn’t stifle it.

But immediately, he felt a hand on his back. And that familiar hand forced his shoulder to turn around so that he could fall backwards, mouth sealed in a furious kiss.

“I’m sorry,” Haruka panted. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It hurts…” Makoto wailed. Haruka only clutched him tighter and kissed the side of his neck.

They lay like that for a couple hours. Makoto’s sobs slowly ebbed away.

“I wish you didn’t have to choose.”

“Me too.”

“He was…pretty spectacular. Olympian.”

Makoto smiled faintly and turned his head to the side. He lifted Haruka’s chin up and kissed him, kissed _his_ Haruka’s mouth.

“I sure know how to pick ‘em.”

* * *

Most of his grief was gone in a year. Those thoughts that lingered would stay for much longer, and Makoto figured he couldn’t do anything about it.

Haruka was there. For all of it. All of the tears, the heartache, the stories, and the regrets. He knew just how much Makoto had given up, even if he couldn’t understand it. He shared Makoto’s sadness the best he could.

But there were brief flashes of happiness that grew and grew, all the same. Makoto was finally officially a member of the Tachibana family. He and Haruka grew closer with their friends, even Rin and Sousuke the police officers. Rei and Nagisa finally got together, which made Makoto think about his relationship with Haruka.

And they finally got together when Haruka had called him in the middle of his volunteer coaching.

“Do you like bundt cakes?” he’d said casually.

“Haru, I like _anything_ cakes,” Makoto had laughed.

“I found this delicious place down east of our place. Let’s go try it.”

“Well if you think it’s delicious, then it’s probably amazing,” Makoto had gushed. “Should we invite Nagisa and Rei? You know how big of a sweet tooth Nagisa’s got, he’ll probably order half of the menu-”

“I mean just you and me,” Haruka had said flatly, and Makoto’s heart leapt to his throat.

He didn’t say a word. He even debated pinching himself to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

Haruka was clearly uncomfortable with the silence. “I mean, like a da-”

“Yes.”

Now it was Haruka’s turn to be silent, but Makoto had already anticipated this.

“Yes, yes. I’ll meet you at home. But… _yes Haru I’m going to go on a date with you,”_ Makoto stressed. “Ah…”

“Are you crying?” Haruka said, amused.

“Shut up,” Makoto huffed, sniffling.

They’d gone and dressed up. Makoto had gotten a chocolate one before Haruka had changed it to a Green Tea one for him. And it was delicious. Haruka knew his palate well.

But while it was like any other lunch for them, it wasn’t. Makoto had switched their plates at one point and had grinned mischievously.

“I’ve always wanted to try this,” he said, holding out a forkful of Haruka’s cinnamon cake.

Haruka had blissfully smiled. He’d taken the cake and savored it, giving Makoto a satisfied moan.

“I did, too.”

Makoto had to cross his legs for a while after that.

* * *

One day, when Makoto was about to enter the door, the old woman across the hall stopped him.

“So you decided to stay, young man,” she said. Makoto turned to her and smiled.

“Yes, I’m not going anywhere,” he said. He regretted not being able to say goodbye to his family. He also regretted not staying with Haruka, but it had already been two years and he’d built a life for himself alongside _his_ Haruka.

The old woman nodded. “Don’t bother filling your head with ‘what could’ve been.’ Believe me. I’m better for sticking with my decision rather than weighing the pros and cons of my life.”

Makoto paused, but before he had a chance to ask the old woman was already inside her apartment.

He shrugged and went inside his.

* * *

Haruka had graduated. Immediately, open positions for a culinary designer flooded their mailbox.

“This is near your fire department,” Haruka said. “And your swim club.”

Makoto smiled. “That’s right. Let’s look at the others.”

But, as always, when Haruka had his mind set on something, he rarely let it go.

They looked at other options, some of which were world-renowned restaurants, but Haruka slid the same cream-colored sheet into Makoto’s vision.

“This one. It’s near your fire department,” he repeated, eyes sparkling. “And your swim club.”

“Then let’s do it,” Makoto had said, unable to contain his grin.

Haruka had applied, had interviewed, and had gotten in without any complications. Makoto had sent him off on his first day of work with a few extra kisses. And when he’d returned, Makoto had pressed him to the door and nipped at his lips.

“Have I told you how sexy you look in that apron?” he breathed. “’Cause you look _really sexy.”_

“Guess I should wear it more often,” Haruka chuckled against his lips. He grabbed Makoto’s collar and pushed him off. “But keep it in your pants until after dinner. I’m making something special.”

Makoto ate and enjoyed the talk patiently, but not too patiently. He made sure Haruka noticed his eyes traveling over his boyfriend’s hands. He made sure to leave lingering touches whenever he asked Haruka to pass the pitcher of water, and to make longer eye contact.

Finally, dinner ended.

“Let me pull out the futon,” Makoto yawned.

Haruka’s hand lurched out and gripped his forearm tightly.

Makoto only smiled. “Do you want me to sleep in your room tonight, Haruka?”

But his boyfriend wasn’t going to say a single word. Instead, Haruka took his arm and pulled him into the bedroom.

Makoto had prepared himself before dinner. He fell onto the bed and dragged Haruka on top of him, kissing him again and again.

“Haru…”

“Mm…”

Makoto bit his lip to keep back a giggle. “I feel restless.”

Haruka smirked and tore off his button up. “So do I.”

They’d made out before. They’d even seen each other naked, on accident and on purpose. But when it came to _touching_ , it was a different story.

Makoto was a bit less ashamed of his nakedness. He’d grown up swimming for most of his life, after all. Haruka stole eyefuls, and Makoto let him.

“You’re so beautiful,” Haruka sighed, tracing Makoto’s collarbone and cupping his shoulder. Makoto closed his eyes and lifted his head as Haruka kissed his neck. Familiar territory.

But… “Touch me lower, Haru.”

Haruka wavered, just as expected. But it only lasted a short while before a strong, firm hand deftly pressed against his lower stomach, right under his belly button. Makoto gasped in surprise, but Haruka only familiarized himself with the shape of his pelvic girdle, pressing just hard enough at his hip to make him flinch.

_“Haruka…”_

“Lube.”

Makoto looked at him, dazed, before understanding his request and reaching over for the small bottle he’d just bought today. The cashier had given him knowing looks, but despite his shyness his libido couldn’t force himself back.

“You have to get naked, too,” he said, almost pouting. Haruka shrunk a bit, clearly uncomfortable.

“I don’t…” he muttered. His eyes averted to the side. “I don’t have a six-pack. I’m not that defined.”

_Compared to the other Haruka._

He stared at his boyfriend, whose blue eyes were looking at the bedsheets in quiet annoyance. Lifting a hand, Makoto tilted Haruka’s face towards him.

“You’re mine,” Makoto murmured, bringing his face to him. “I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else looks like. I want to touch _you_. I already know what you look like.” He gave Haruka’s lips a small peck. “I wanna touch the merchandise.”

Haruka shivered under his touch. “When the hell did you get so seductive?”

His boyfriend blushed and slowly eased off the belt around Haruka’s waist. “Maybe I’ve always been that way.”

“Maybe,” Haruka said, amused. He sat up and took off his dress pants, letting them crumple to the floor.

“There’s that mole,” Makoto laughed. “The mole on your inner left thigh.” Haruka smiled at him wryly.

“You watched me a lot, huh?”

“Literally always,” Makoto said softly. “O-Oh, let me take off my socks.”

“You’re just as nervous as I am, aren’t you?” Haruka laughed softly. Makoto shrugged. “That’s fine, though. Rin said the more you do it, the better it’ll be.”

“You’re awful close to Rin, huh?” Makoto said with a pout.

“You and Sousuke are pretty close, too,” Haruka shot back. “In fact, you talk to him more than I talk to Rin.”

Makoto flushed. It was true. Haruka stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.

“Sorry, this isn’t about them, is it?”

“No, I turned the conversation this way,” Makoto sighed. He tilted Haruka’s head down so he could meet his lips. “Kiss me until I forget my own name.”

“And I’ll touch you at the same time,” Haruka said huskily. Without warning, he palmed the underside of Makoto’s balls and drew a high whine from his boyfriend.

_“Ah!”_

“Damn,” Haruka gasped. “Didn’t know you’d react that well.”

“The hottest guy I know is touching my crotch and you _didn’t think-”_

Haruka spread the lube over his fingers and deftly gave Makoto’s penis a good, hard stroke.

“Ooh! Too cold!” Makoto hissed, pulling away.

“Oh…sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Makoto sighed, giving Haruka a reassuring smile. “Let’s keep going.”

Haruka managed to warm the liquid in his hands before stroking Makoto again. His face was flushed, but Makoto was sure that he wasn’t faring any better. Before he realized it, the room was filled with his soft gasps.

“Can’t keep it in, can you?” Haruka laughed breathlessly.

“Can’t…” Makoto huffed. “Almost…there.”

Haruka stopped, and Makoto nearly screamed.

“Why?” he whispered harshly.

“Rin said-”

 _“I don’t care what Rin said!”_ Makoto hissed. “Give. Me. Your DICK!”

Haruka grunted as Makoto sat up and accidentally bumped their heads together.

“Smooth,” he groaned.

“Shut up,” Makoto retorted. He pushed Haruka back a little and gave his dick a hard tug.

“Ouch!”

“Oh…lube, right, sorry.”

Even with his annoyance, Makoto was patient and firm. Haruka was much quieter, but his expressions told Makoto that he was in heaven. Makoto gripped his side as he stroked him to oblivion, muttering how beautiful he was and how badly he’d been looking forward to this.

When he stopped, Haruka growled in exasperation.

“See?” Makoto teased.

“Oh, fuck that,” Haruka huffed. He stared down at his dick. “I really, really want to stick this inside you now.”

“I wanted that, like, five minutes ago,” Makoto replied sarcastically.

“Then…can I?”

“Lube.”

“Right.”

Despite his eagerness, Makoto’s lips stretched into a thin line. He slowly, hesitantly spread his legs.

“W-We can quit at any time,” he said quietly. But Haruka wasn’t listening. He ran his fingers down Makoto’s inner thigh, then lower, until.

“Ah…”

One finger was in. Haruka kept looking up at him to gauge his expression.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s…uncomfortable. But I,” Makoto trailed off, pausing. “I think I want another.”

Haruka visibly gulped. He slid another finger alongside the first, and Makoto inhaled sharply through his nose.

He’d prepared as much with two fingers, but another person’s fingers were a different story. Haruka was a little too eager, twisting them this way and that.

“What are you doing?” Makoto asked.

“Ri…I mean, I heard that there was a sweet spot or something that would drive you insane,” Haruka muttered. Makoto pondered it a minute. He’d heard about it, too.

“I think…we’d be better off if we just got me stretched,” he finally decided.

“You sure?” Haruka asked hesitantly. Makoto smiled.

“I’m sure. If we wait too long, we’re both gonna go flat.”

With a nod, Haruka added a third finger. _This_ one was a stretch, and Makoto felt it. He groaned and squirmed away.

“Makoto…”

“I’m fine, just…need a minute,” he panted. He stared down at the flat plane of his stomach to where Haruka’s fingers disappeared in his ass. “How’re you doing?”

“I mean…I’m fine,” Haruka said, staring into his eyes. “You’re the one with three fingers in your-”

“Haruka,” Makoto interrupted, blushing. “How’s your dick?”

“All good,” Haruka chuckled. “You get embarrassed too easily, Makoto.”

They waited for a bit before Makoto gave the go ahead. Haruka added more lube and spread his fingers, causing Makoto to arch his back in discomfort. But slowly, steadily, he got used to the feeling.

“Need me to give you another handjob?” he panted.

“No, but I might have to give you one,” Haruka replied. He sounded breathless. “Trust me, Makoto. Your hole is so tight…it drives me insane.” Makoto’s cock twitched at Haruka’s comment, and he groaned. “Oh, you like it when I talk dirty?”

 _”Yes,”_ Makoto hissed. “But…we should probably get to the main event, ne?”

Haruka bit his lip, but slowly pulled his fingers out. He hovered over Makoto so that they saw eye-to-eye.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” he asked. Soft, vulnerable. Makoto’s heart went out to him, as it always did.

“Yeah,” he said, stroking Haruka’s cheek. “Been waiting for so long anyways.”

Haruka let out a deep breath and leaned back. He grasped his dick, and, under Makoto’s watchful eye, began pushing it in.

“Ahhh…” Makoto gasped, tilting his head back. It didn’t feel good at all; uncomfortable, if anything. But it was _Haruka. His Haruka._ And that was enough.

He was patient, as always.

His boyfriend kept asking him if he was okay.

He kept reassuring him that he was fine. “Just a foreign feeling, Haru,” he affirmed, blushing and smiling. Just as always. “I’m fine. Please keep going.”

Haruka was all in, but Makoto felt like he wasn’t quite enjoying himself. Not as much as he would expect.

“Of course I’m not,” Haruka said flatly. “This is…I mean, it’s our first time. I’m not gonna like it until you like it.”

“I like the fact that you’re inside me, Haru-chan,” Makoto gasped. He was still getting used to Haruka’s size.

“Well, I like the fact that you’re letting me in,” Haruka breathed. “But I feel like I’d have more fun if we were making out.”

“We can still do that,” Makoto laughed. “The only difference is that your dick is in my ass.”

“But we’re also gonna actually, you know…”

“Have sex?” Makoto finished.

“Make love,” Haruka corrected. His boyfriend was speechless. “Heh, I knew that’d make you tongue-tied.”

“Haru. Move, now.”

He did. Makoto winced and tightened his grip on the bedsheets. He noted that it was a good thing they’d kept the window open tonight, because the cool breeze that passed through was doing wonders for his pain. Haruka was diligent and careful as he slid out and slowly slid back in. Makoto took paced breaths, but found that, with the amount of preparation they put in, it became easier to bear the pain.

Haruka groaned suddenly. “We forgot the fucking condom.”

“Ugh…” Makoto whined. “Can you pull out before?”

“Don’t wanna chance it.”

“Then…what do you wanna do?”

Haruka smiled and pulled out completely.

“Let’s end this early,” he said gently. He leaned over Makoto and lined their dicks up. “Wanna help me masturbate?”

“Did Rin teach you about this, too?” Makoto asked petulantly. Haruka kissed his nose.

“Stop being jealous over Rin,” he said firmly. “He taught me, but I only want to put it into action with you.” He stared at Makoto deeply. “Got it? Only with you.”

“…Got it,” Makoto said. He was being silly; he admitted it.

“Good.” Haruka kissed his cheek and grasped both of their dicks. “You get the other side.”

“Mm.”

It felt good. The sounds were embarrassing, but the feeling of Haruka eagerly rubbing down their dicks with Makoto’s hand on the other side was definitely an experience. Makoto groaned and panted, not having the stamina to keep up with Haruka’s strokes. He settled for teasing both of their tips, rubbing the underside of Haruka’s cock just to stutter his rhythm.

“Tease,” Haruka accused, but they were both too close to keep up the banter.

Haruka came first, already overstimulated. Makoto gripped his shoulder tightly as he came second, and before he could do anything his boyfriend collapsed on top of him.

“Ew,” Makoto complained. “Haru, the cum’s all between-”

“We had sex,” Haruka sighed. He sounded so satisfied and happy that Makoto’s complaints stopped in his throat. Haruka was right. They’d finally had sex. And it was the most exhilarating feeling. Not the sex itself, but the knowledge that they were even closer than before.

“We really should go home less often,” Makoto murmured, nuzzling his face into Haruka’s hair. “We can’t have sex on the weekends if we keep going to each other’s house.”

“I hate how they gave you your own room,” Haruka said. Makoto could feel his pout on his chest. “Like, obviously Makoto’s going to sleep in the same room as me.”

“We’re _dating_ now, Haru,” Makoto laughed. “Our parents don’t want to hear us going at it.”

“More like they just want to spend time with us,” Haruka sighed. He’d apologized to his parents long ago. The words he’d said that night, about giving it all up, were only out of anger, and he was truly grateful for how supportive they’d been.

Haruka’s parents had understood. And Makoto’s parents had grown to Makoto like a second skin. Each time he visited, he marveled at how it almost felt just like home. There was more than his fair share of pictures with the twins, though he often heard his mother complain about how they didn’t have any baby pictures of him.

“Do you ever wonder…?” Haruka began. “No, never mind.”

But Makoto knew what he was about to say. He sat up, forcing Haruka to sit up with him, and winced.

“We need to wipe down,” he sighed, reaching for the baby wipes. Haruka got to them first.

“You just do what you can,” he said. “I’ve got the hard to reach places.”

“Thanks Haru.”

The night sky twinkled, and Haruka’s wipes grew slower as he finished up the last bits.

“We’ll change the sheets in the morning.”

“Fair,” Makoto answered. They lay there quietly. Haruka had slung a lazy arm around Makoto’s hip, and Makoto watched the stars dance on the strands of Haruka’s hair.

“I’m happy where I am, Haru-chan,” he said quietly. “Sometimes I wonder, but not a lot. There’s just too much here that I’m not willing to give up.”

Haruka said nothing, just gave even breaths.

“That day, I’m glad I met you. I’m glad I got to see this world, because I feel like…it brings out more of me than that other world,” Makoto confessed. “Even though it’s where I came from, all I can think about is where I’m going. And I want you beside me, Haru-chan.”

For a moment, Makoto allowed himself to close his eyes. He listened to Haruka’s soft breaths, but then…

“Drop the -chan,” Haruka murmured. “I’m glad you’re here with me, too.”

They both stayed silent for the rest of the night. And the stars watched over them as they slept without regrets.


End file.
